


i am strong enough to let you in

by findyourstars



Category: The Strange Case of Starship Iris (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vikady
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/findyourstars/pseuds/findyourstars
Summary: She’d seen Arkady do this several times before, but it was usually in the dim hours of early morning when Violet woke beside the other woman to find her awake and sweating from a nightmare. Sometimes Arkady couldn’t stand to be touched, sometimes she would squeeze Violet’s hand until the feeling left her fingertips or clutch at the sheets between them like an anchor. Violet had learned that the best way to proceed was slowly, and eventually Arkady would come back to her.or: sometimes you have to patch up your girlfriend when she's in full PTSD mode, and you just do your best





	i am strong enough to let you in

**Author's Note:**

> _sighs in Vikady_
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> I've found it very comforting and therapeutic to connect with characters who are badass and Get Shit Done but also still have their own layers of PTSD to deal with. Arkady definitely fits that Type, and I've really enjoyed getting to spend some time in her head.
> 
> Thanks to the discord for inspiring me to finally write something with this group of space nerds!
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> Content warnings for blood, descriptions of minor injuries, and Arkady experiencing a dissociative state/flashback/just good ol'PTSD. 
> 
> Both the epitaph and fic title are from Sleeping at Last's "Atlas: Eight" which is a very good Arkady song.

_Here I am, pry me open_  
What do you want to know?  
I'm just a kid who  
Grew up scared enough  
To hold the door shut  
And bury my innocence  
But here's a map, here's a shovel  
Here's my Achilles' heel

“Atlas: Eight” - Sleeping at Last

\--

 

As per usual, the heist was going well until it wasn’t.

Violet was halfheartedly wiping down the cabinets in her med bay, Sana and Lenny’s casual banter and Arkady’s clipped responses filtering through her coms like easy background noise, when there was a gunshot.

A small part of Violet’s brain knew that the concussive blast was only a noise over the coms, but her louder, panicked rodent brain had her on the ground and scrambling beneath a table before the rational side could catch up. She clutched at her earpiece, breath already tightening in her chest as she gasped over the coms, “Arkady, Sana, is everything okay?”

There were more gunshots, followed by a heavy slam and the jarring shriek of tearing metal, then Sana’s voice, breathless and panting. “We’re fine, everything’s fine, Violet. There was a bit more of a -- ” more gunshots, with the distinctive squeal of a ricochet, “ -- welcome party than we had anticipated, but we should be back on the ship shortly. Brian, could you see if there’s a quicker way for us to meet you all back in the hanger bay?”

“I’m on it, Captain.”

Violet let the noise of her crew’s escape fade to the edges of her awareness as she busied herself around the med bay, preparing piles of gauze, antibiotic shots, and wound-sealant as she forced herself to breathe on a steady four count.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t until the blast doors of the _Iris 2_ sealed shut with a cheerful electronic riff that her vague, anxious lightheadedness began to subside. She took another long, deep breath and was about to make her way up to the cockpit when her comms pinged with an incoming private call.

“Sana Tripathi to Violet Liu, we’re back on board and all in one piece, mostly.” There was a light note of teasing to her tone, but Violet could hear the worry hanging heavy behind it, and anxiety surged back into her throat. “I’m sending Arkady your way, she took a bullet wound to the upper arm. Nothing serious,” Sana hurriedly added, “just a graze, but she’s a little...shaken up. So be gentle.”

“I, um, I will, Captain. Thanks for the heads up. Are -- are you and Lenny okay?”

“Fine, Violet, thank you.” Sana’s voice warmed. “I’m going to double-check our flight plan with Krejj, but let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Violet managed an affirmative mumble of some sort, and Sana signed off. Not forty-five seconds later, the door to the med bay slid open, framing an Arkady Patel who looked like she’d singlehandedly fought through a hundred Regime drones before breakfast. She was smudged with dirt and what smelled like engine fuel, and a tear in her shirt across her right deltoid was lined with drying blood. Violet wanted to close the steps between them at a run and fold her girlfriend into a hug, just to feel that she was still alive and here, but there was a haunted distance to Arkady’s stare that made her stop. 

“Ar...kady?” 

Arkady obediently turned to look at her, but her gaze went through Violet like she was nothing more than a hologram. Violet tried again, this time stepping forward slowly.

“Arkady? It’s Violet.”

Something got through this time, and Arkady’s gaze cleared for a shadow of an exasperated eyeroll. “I know it’s you, Liu, I didn’t get shot in the _face_.”

Violet let herself smile. “Do you want to sit down so I can get you cleaned up?”

It was almost routine for them at this point: Arkady perching on the edge of an examining table, her long legs dangling, and Violet bustling around, applying strong-scented astringents and making nervous chatter. But Arkady was moving more slowly than usual, like she was in a dream, and she flinched as Violet touched her arm to examine the wound. Violet immediately withdrew her hands.

“I’m sorry, does that hurt a lot?”

She expected a sarcastic retort, but Arkady just shrugged, her shoulders rising and falling in a tiny jerk. But when Violet looked to her lap, she found Arkady’s hands were shaking.

“Hey,” she said gently, trying to channel as much of Sana as she could. “Can you try and come back to me for a moment, Arkady?”

Slowly, glacially, Arkady’s beautiful hazel eyes flicked up to meet Violet’s. Violet nodded. “That’s great. I’m going to need to touch your arm to clean it, is that okay?”

A pause, and Arkady’s gaze shifted to her wound like she had forgotten it was there. Another shrug, then a single nod. 

“Great. I’ll tell you what I’m doing so I don’t surprise you.” 

If there was ever a time that Violet’s nervous rambling could come in handy, it was now. She’d seen Arkady do this several times before, but it was usually in the dim hours of early morning when Violet woke beside the other woman to find her awake and sweating from a nightmare. Sometimes Arkady couldn’t stand to be touched, sometimes she would squeeze Violet’s hand until the feeling left her fingertips or clutch at the sheets between them like an anchor. Violet had learned that the best way to proceed was slowly, and eventually Arkady would come back to her.

“I’ve had to cut away a little of your shirt, but I’m sure we can stitch it back together. Although this shirt looks so old that I’m surprised it didn’t fall apart first. Maybe we can go shopping next time we reach an outpost, I could use a new belt.

“Okay, I’m going to touch your arm with this cloth now, it will feel a little cold and might sting a little bit. You didn’t get cut too badly, but it’s better to clean it out now before it starts healing.”

Violet switched out the cleaning supplies for some gauze and bandage, and she stepped back to Arkady’s side to continue her prattle. “I’m going to hold the gauze against your arm with one hand while I wrap the bandage with the other, I may touch your shoulder in the meantime but I’ll go slow. It might--”

“I’ll just go sleeveless.”

“You-- what?”

Arkady tilted her face towards Violet, taking care not to move her arm. “Since you’ve already ripped one of my sleeves off, might as well take the other. I don’t...need any new clothes.” Her voice was a little shaky, but her eyes were clear again, and as Violet’s lips began to twitch into a relieved smile, Arkady reached for her free hand and squeezed it. 

“Are you here with me now?” Violet asked, stopping to press her lips to the back of Arkady’s palm before going back to wrapping her upper arm.

“Yeah...yeah, I think so.” Arkady’s eyes flicked to the bandage, then back to Violet. “There was a, uh, security door in there. When it closed it sounded like…” Her voice trailed off, but Violet nodded in acknowledgement.

“Like Cresswin Landing.”

“Yeah.”

She fell quiet then, but as Violet tied off the bandage on her arm, Arkady gave a long, shivering sigh and tilted her head onto Violet’s shoulder. Violet stopped, her smile flickering back to life again, and twined her fingers into Arkady’s short-cropped hair.

 _Thank you for trusting me,_ she wanted to say. _Thank you for always coming back to me. Thank you for calling me a safe port in a storm when the waves are trying to drag you under._

But instead, she sighed, and breathed into Arkady’s hair, “At least you didn’t get shot in the leg again.”


End file.
